But I cant help but think if you were only into cheerleaders, makeup and boys, that it would have been GOOD of your stepfather to encourage you to read more, even if it meant saying something along the lines that youd regret not knowing more about the literary world or about current events. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. Honestly, I think those first two sentences were the best point Wendy made. Exactly! Its rude to disparage someones interests, roll your eyes at them when they talk about them, tell them to stop talking about it because youre annoyed. I would rock out to Tom Petty in my room while playing with my Sanrio boxes that were full of Lisa Frank erasers. It makes them feel safe. Youre mad at your dad, not at me! My brother did not. I see it as a dad getting short changed and mom monopolizing time with daughter. Bring stakes with them in case vampires show up. I didnt say all mature and intelligent adults like Buffy or Star Trek, Im just saying there are mature and intelligent adults who like Buffy or Star Trek. Basically, I had never been the kid he wanted, and he eventually snapped and took it out on me. Frankly, I dont know ANYBODY who had such strange mutual worships WITH their parents I dunno, back in the 1980s most parents were actually grown ups, I guess. Soulmate Initial On Left Thumb? Why cant he ask simple questions about what is her favorite episode and why? 6napkinburger We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. I would go on drives to see the eagles, fished, endured Cardinal games and college basketball games. For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. Once they believe that true love need not be obligatory and that intimacy is not automatically correlated with entrapment, they are often eager to learn new ways to make their needs and fears knownand let love in. When you try to get them to acknowledge what they are doing by weaving the past into the present, they dont agree with your account of what happened. How frustrating for your husband that you have turned your daughter into a clone of all the things about you that are probably annoying to him Things he has quietly tolerated for years But now are somehow totally taking OVER your lives. I agree with you to some extent. Perhaps the suggestion of planning an event night or game night type of thing where each family member gets to plan one a week? I think this is a great point. Theres making a light-hearted joke when something is spilled, and then there is telling your child that what makes her happy is stupid. And he is a loyal friend. PS I also dont get why going camping and hiking versus Buffy-ing are mutually exclusive. My point is, you have cultivated these interests in your daughter. She wasnt responding to the father though. The Inner Light, frequently hailed as one of the most poignant sci-fi television episodes of all time. The kids moved away first then the ex followed them Needless to say visits with his kids are rare. Highlight their special talents and abilities. I know, Buffy was the weakest link in Buffy (is that irony?). Realize that your child does not have to like your rules, they simply need to find a way to abide by them. And then, the next morning, he was an angel and brought me coffee in bed. A: There are two things to consider here. Heck no! July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. I get that hes probably feeling left out, but thats not cool. In the past, every day held exciting discoveries about the one whose ring you now wear on your finger. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. From Voyager, for some odd reason, The Q and the Grey really struck a chord with me and actually made me challenge all of my beliefs regarding what is beyond humanity. Now she's asked me to talk to him for her and, the truth is, I'm fed up with her moping and simply don't want to. He's always putting him down. You couldnt easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seem to make the next move more predictable. You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here. You are actually the only other person not from Scranton that has known what the show was! Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. When combined with the eye rolling and disparaging, that all adds up to he isnt joking about it. If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. My father did not indulge in those with me but we had a great relationship. Sometimes those things just happen. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. In the last 2-3 years my husband and daughter have has a strained and tense relationship because of her actions and his attitude. Unfortunately for your husband, its not as easy for him to nurture his relationship with his adolescent daughter and rather than helping him and by extension, your daughter create a closer parent-child bond, you seem to be almost delighting in the Us Against Him mentality you share with your daughter (we look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him, etc.). Criticism gets internalized so much more easily at certain ages and coming from certain people something everyone should be more aware of. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Dont let anyone else control your decisions. It should be a crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. July 2, 2013, 12:04 pm. If he had been the one to write to me, Id be giving him an earful, believe me), . Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. He rolls his eyes not at her accomplishments, but her timewasters A rather big difference. July 2, 2013, 12:17 pm. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. How are those pre-teen interests? Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest I helped with yard work. She tells me what her favorite scent is, so I buy it for her for her birthday. My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for three. About Us . If he didnt care, then that would be more worrisome. The kid keeps it all inside because she doesnt want to disappoint Mom, and the relationship with Dad dies. bittergaymark painted_lady LW, you should probably rationally explain to your husband that eye rolling is unacceptable. Which is exactly why she wrote in. I had NO IDEA what that was, so I did the can-can. I was saying thats debatable. And, as I am sure you know from previous experience, exploding doesn't make anything better. Everyone can have a relaxing hobby. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. Contact Us. One activity we all enjoyed!!!! Neither father or daughter should make disparaging remarks about the other and you shouldnt make disparaging remarks about your husband. Though they might not always like what they hear or see, they are not typically faced with unexpected surprises or unpredictable outcomes. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. But the problem here is not that the daughter dislikes her dads interests. Game of Thrones? Whatever you do, make sure you stay true to yourself. Find your shared interests and go from there? Saying later that night will you ask the spagetti head to pass the salt IS making fun of their child and it is healthy. Oh, This Old House. Did I fight with my dad as a teenager? I discovered them in college and came home like, HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS? lets_be_honest I mean ever. Seriously, though I obviously realize the error of my ways now My point being that while my dad exposed me to things that interested him, he also jumped feet first into things that interested me and NEVER EVER made me feel silly or stupid because I was a 12 year old who liked things that other 12 year olds did. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. Which sort of circles back to point that even if this dad doesnt connect with his daughters interests, he really should make an effort. Additionally, she may worry that if she stays in an unhappy marriage like yours, it will damage her relationship with her future spouse. He came home four hours later. How does an interest in science and creativity equal boring? She played Meribor (spelling.) Theres no excuse for that. And your husband needs to grow the eff up and be supportive of your daughters interests. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. Yes! I wanted nothing to do with my dad for a long time. Whats ok is to have a balance. This could be something as simple as going for a walk together after dinner or taking turns reading bedtime stories. bittergaymark Terms & Conditions . I hope the LW sees your comment. Older and (hopefully) wiser Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Im not even saying all of the things listed are mature and intelligent, but that people can be smart and informed and still like these things. I do also believe that your husband really does need to at least embrace a couple of her interest if he wants her to embrace the things he likes. I have to keep an eye on myself to make sure Im more mom than friend. I would call that well-rounded. But hes so cute when hes excited about something. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! I dont care if they actually do or not, hes the adult and shes the kid here, so he needs to act like it. Does he like the 80s music? Anyway, we had to go visit one of his aunts who was dying in the hospital, and my dad admitted to me that he didnt WANT to go and said he was dreading it (which was not something hed normally say to me), but that sometimes you have to do stuff you dont want to do. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that WE end up with ridiculous escalating fights.. Frankly, her interests sound pretty varied to me for 12: reading, pop culture, sci-fi, archery, piano and Broadway. July 2, 2013, 10:50 am. But, of course, that would require HIM to take an interest in something his daughter likes in order to find that common ground. I can look back on those time I was forced to go mini golfing with my dad and smile, because I know how happy it made him, and I always ended up having fun, too! lets_be_honest From one mom to another. I got the same vibe you did. I dont know where that gene comes from I know I dont have it. Of course the fights will get worse as she challenges boundaries and pushes back against his authority. You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. Me and my husband have a 4 year old daughter together. lbh based on the LWs description do you really think this is the same as your experience? When I was a kid in middle school, I clammed up and didnt develop my relationship with my parents because they were critical of my interests. This breed of intimate relationship dweller does the opposite of maintaining a sane interpersonal environment. Maybe hes afraid that if she leaves then she wont return. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. lets_be_honest My parents are/were anti-intellectual, though, and wouldnt let me go see ballets, theatre productions, or hit up museums because I was trying to put on airs. If he had been the one to write to me, Id be giving him an earful, believe me), but it only means you need to step up and be MORE parental, which includes putting your daughters interests first. and hes an attorney, and Im sure the rest of the family wants to stab us). This is the one person in the entire world who truly has your back. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. But his way is tearing them apart, to the point where she and I look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him. We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm.
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